Here I am again...

Gosh....the last time this blog was updated on 28th January 2006. Today is 26th Dec 2006. Almost a year! Kalau pregnant surely dah terberanak and dah settle confinement. Like Wani mentioned earlier..."lu update masa raya haji aje la.." and I replied.."selari dgn konsep KORBAN...korbankan masa...untuk update blog".

Anyway, will update more. This is just a beginning.

Nurin is growing.

Safely arrived in Makkah at 6.15pm on 27th Jan. Journey was quite tiring sebab semalam completed my task at 1.00am. In my room, I called Kakak.

MAMA: Hello sayang
NURIN: Mama, hold kejap eh this phone, kakak nak angkat telefon lagi satu

Gosh, pandai pulak si kecik. She can differentiate, cakap kat dalam bilik Opah is clearer and better sebab she can baring atas katil.

NURIN: Opah, ok, dah boleh letak telefon. Hello mama, how are you?
MAMA: I am fine sayang, kakak ok ke?
NURIN: OK
MAMA: Kakak, are you watching TV? (she loves watching, tak larat dah nak tegur)
NURIN: I just switched off the tv. (PAUSED)

Rasanya, she felt guilty coz I can sensed that she is so worried takut kena marah sebab asyik tengok TV

NURIN: Mama, is that true that you are coming back 5 more days?
MAMA: Betul sayang. I will be home on Saturday. But sayang, you need to go to Terengganu first, pergi rumah Tok and Tokki with Babah and Abang.
NURIN: Mama, please...I m gonna miss you. Lagi pun tak boleh buat apa apa pun kat rumah Tokki. Asyik play with chicken aje. Please ma....Boring la ma...
MAMA: Nope sayang. In Terengganu, you can go to beach, makan A&W. There is so many thing that you can do there. Nurin kena teman babah, kesian babah balik sorang-sorang. Then you pick me up in the airport.
NURIN: Alright...(sigh)
MAMA: Sayang, I heard you keep on fighting with Abang? Is that true?
NURIN: Mama, I guess we just hate each other.

I was laughing. Gila punye gelak...WE JUST HATE EACH OTHER. Pandai pulak dia guna word HATE. Dah macam couple, dah give sebab cannot get along.

MAMA: Sayang, you can't say that. He is your little brother. U need to love each other.
NURIN: Ma, believe me, we just don't like each other. He keep on teasing me, that is why I hurt him back.
MAMA: Sayang, you need to show to Abang, that you love him. Tell him that if he beat you up, "tak elok, nanti Allah marah". You need to show to Abang, that you are a good sister.
NURIN: But Mama, he will always be with Mimi (my niece) and follows what Mimi did like throw things and jerit-jerit. I don't like it ma..(Nurin is protokol sikit orang nya....Sopan. Thus, that is why she dislikes sepah2 and kasar2)
MAMA: Sayang, promise me that you won't gaduh with Abang and be a good sister.
NURIN: Promise ma. Ma, i have started reading books but Babah never buy me new books. And now, I don't read anymore.

Pandai kakak salahkan Babah. Padahal, rasanya banyak buku kat bilik dia. Hehehe..
Dah jadi macam Mama, put babah as scape goat. Sorry sayang...Can't help it, girls love to blame someone else.

Heard Zaidan's crying. Opah bising-bising.

MAMA: Why Zaidan's crying, sayang?
NURIN: Ala, biasalah Zaidan. Terkejut la tu....

Gosh, my girl dah pandai cari "lame excuse".

MAMA: Tu yang opah bising-bising tu kenapa?
NURIN: Ala ma, Opah marah Kak Ika sebab Kak Ika tak ambik Zaidan. Ma, Kak Ika sekarang asyik nak tolong Kak Siti (my mom's maid) aje. Kak Ika garang tau mama.

Dah pandai report ehhh???

MAMA: It is alright sayang. Soon, when I go home, thing is gonna be ok.
NURIN: Ma, please balik cepat sikit.

Time runs so fast. Without realizing it, my lil girl is growing. She is just 7 year-old and 1-month. I remembered on 27th December 1998, masa nak bersalin Nurin. The whole day, I went out shopping with my husband. Malam tu, he stopped at Pizza Shuttle in Milwaukee, beli Veg Pizza and Coke. Balik rumah makan, sebab lapar giler. Around 2.30am, sakit perut memulas. Muntah non stop, lying helplessly kat dalam toilet (dulu toilet kat US pakai carpet). 6.00am, Hafizul sent me to St Mary Hospital. Doctor told me "You have dilated for about 3cm. We need to monitor you closer". Around 5.00pm, still at 3cm. Then, the doc induced me. At 11.45pm, doc realized that I was about to give birth. To be exact of 0030 (12.30am) 28 December 1998, Wan Nurina was safely came into this world by Dr Katherine Lee. Hafizul was so happy. Dr Katherine honored him by giving the scissor to cut off Nurin's umbilical cord, but he refused. Geli, katanya. You are very funny, love.

Nurin is a lucky girl. She is just 7 year-old, yet has been merata-rata, US, UK, Europe and even Australia. She is an apple of everyone's eyes di rumah. Cucu pertama and get a first-class treatment from Opah, Atuk, Tok and Tokki. First niece for Paklong, Anyah, Uda, Chik, Achu, Maklong Syafiq, AyahDe, ChikHa, ChikWan and Su Mi.

And now, without the existence of her mom for almost 3 months, she grew like a big girl. She starts to know the definition of love, responsibility, care and even hatred. Whatever it is, Nurin will always be our little precious princess.

Mama, from far, will always pray for you to have a better future so that you can be a better person with better living, pandai menghormati orang tua dan orang susah.

Above all, Mama and Babah will always love you......

I am sorry, love....

Here again, updating my blog. Hari ni ada orang asked me. NUNU tu apa? NUNU means BABY in ARAB. My kids (always be my baby) is my everything. This blog would be my best tribute to all my angels, NURIN, ZARIEF and ZAIDAN

Then, my bestest (my good friend ever aka platonic relationship in my office) asked me, BLOG tu apa? Oh well, previously, I enjoyed reading my high school friends' blogs, in which I personally define it as e-journal. Tapi when I refer to the website, BLOG is a easy-to-use website where you can quickly post your thoughts, photo and interact with people and more. Wani, my adik's high-school girlfriend (harap2 kekal selamanya) finally made me realized the happening part of having my e-journal. Thanks, sis! Plus, I think I want to share my journey to this Holy Land gave me the momentum to write. Gosh, my husband mesti pelik..Nape fie tetiba rajin nak tulis ni? He knows that I love reading, but not writing. Again, this lovely NUNU is my best tribute to all my munchkins plus and best way to share my thoughts everytime I travel.

Last nite, I was lying on my bed, exhausted! Whole day trying to setup my final assignment before leave this Holy Land, I was stucked with NTU (so called digital modem) config. Need to make sure my internal wiring and router config nicely match before this new digital lines up and running for a very first time for Tabung Haji. Watching the ceiling, I have started to think about my other half. I miss you.. so much, and I couldnt close my eyes, afraid that I am losing his sight. Then, I text him..."Sayang, I miss u. Cant sleep rite now. Kept thinking abt u. Hv another 8 days to suffer. Tomorrow to Jeddah to send Pakman and new NTU installation. Pliz send me an email. Luv u endlessly". Sent 24th Jan 01:59:58. I waited and waited for his reply since I knew that time, surely my other half is preparing to office. Bolt from the blue, I got 2 sms on that very night, one at 02:25:15 (2 pagi..ngantuk laa..) and one at 02:45:33. Both not from my husband. I felt something that I couldnt put it into word. Nak kata sedih pun mungkin, self anger pun mungkin..and maybe my period is just around the corner, I can simply put my biological circulation together with my hormones changes as my scape goat! How come other men can express their feelings in the mid of the night while my significant other not even responded my text and I am pretty sure that he is not sleeping at that very moment????!!**&%#@&*^
Woke up at 6.25am, I called him coz I was expecting his reply throughout the night. "Kenapa sayang tak reply my sms?" and he said "bila sms?". Paused. "oh yeah, pagi tadi. I was driving at that time, kenapa sayang?". Aikk. Kenapa????? Gosh, have you ever experienced this???. I said "takmau lah sms lagi, you never care about me!". Hang up.

Merajuk. Of course. You can call me a Mushy Type of wife, but at that very moment, I felt so bad. It has been a while, I never received his phone call and email. Best reason: Sibuk. Then, typical woman, I sms him back kengkonon nak tunjuk marah..., "U seriously have changed my mood. I guess u never put me as your main priority in life. U dont even remember that I've sent sms. Then I try not to hv contact with u til my last day coz I am nobody to u. U jez made me feel useless. I was so stupid since I am so into you while u never once think about me" Sent: 24-Jan-2006 07:05:47. Murky faced.

I have another 10 mins before my trip to Jeddah. Quickly logged into my office mail. I scrolled down and search sender:HAFIZUL. Ada. Clicked. I was so touched. Paused. Without realizing it, I broke into tears. I am so sorry love. Sorry for being so childish. I was too emotional with this unreciprocated sms. I guess we both miss each other terribly. Rushed into car, off to Jeddah with guilt. Regret of putting so much expectation from my husband.

We love each other. So much.....

I got 2 sms from him while in Jeddah. Tried not to reply. But his 3rd sms..."Sayang, I hope u r not mad at me. About to sleep now. In my mind, keep on thinking abt u. How special u r to me. I wish u can come into my dream. Sometimes I talked to myself like a crazy man coz i miss your touch, your voice, everything about you. U sleep tight tonite. Luv u"

I am sorry love....

Replied: "There is nothing in my life more important than u and our angels. Fie mintak maaf. I love you and always do". Sent 24 Jan 2006 21:06:10.

I am in a cloud nine. Like always.

Today, I completed most of my assignment. NTU for Jeddah and Mecca all installed. DataCenter in Syisya also done. Working papers for Cisco done. Bill of Material for datacomm equipment done. Almost done. Called Mr Raz from Saudi Net. Alamak, "maa fi english". Rahman my driver la jadik traslater bidan terjun. Laaa...need to complete Madinah jugak ke before lines activation? Ikshhh...need to go to Madinah soon. Pikir punye pikir, I need to finish ASAP, so that I can be with my darling and munchkins soon. I am leaving to Medina esok, 26th Jan 2005. Done.

Nor, my highschool friend also jemaah this 1426H requested to bring her to Pasar Kurma Mekah. Rahman, dengan setianya brought me there with Razak, Nor and her husband. Beli kurma and pistachio, then I dragged Nor to Syisya, to add new cable and final touch before leaving to Medina tomorrow. Cari Nor, Rahman kata dia jumpa orang kat ward. Then I went to see Nor's roomate, Makcik Selema. Org Muar. Fractured at her pelvic bone. But she looks happy sebab lusa dah nak balik Malaysia. Done chat. I saw one makcik lying. Very skinny and seriously very skinny. Slowly bend down and grabbed her hand. "Makcik dah makan?" I saw her tears. Slowly caressed her boney arm, I talked to her. "Makcik asal mana?" She said "Sungai Petani". But to all my dear blog-reader, if any read this, please pray for her health. I beg you. The best thing to describe her (may be harsh, but I didnt mean to) is like a living skeleton. Imagine, her thigh is half of my arm!!! Her temple is too boney. Her eyes is too big for her teeny face. I was just wondering, macam mana makcik ni boleh flew all the way from Malaysia to Saudi? The best answer to this, her urge and innerwill to perform haj. Gosh! How could her kids can let her do this all by her self. (maybe dia takde anak..). She told me that "makcik terjatuh kat bilik ayarg masa di Mina". MasyaAllah. I guess tu sebab Allah doesnt let me be a doctor. If not, I would be self depressing, kesian tengok patient. Then I said, "alhamdullilah, saya tengok makcik kuat semangat". She smiled. Enough to make me cried in my heart. Ya Allah, berilah kesihatan yang lebih baik kepada makcik ini. Dia cukup kuat untuk harungi semua. I felt her grip stronger, as I rubbed her forehead. To all my friend out there, kalau ada parents or any relatives yang nak perform haj, please please make sure they got their immediate family as companion. Sekurang2nya boleh tolong pimpin masa jalan dari Mina Muaissim ke Jamrat (tempat melontar), boleh pegang masa pegi toilet, and above all, can always be by their side when need to give moral support. Then, ada nurse came in, distribute food for dinner. Razak kata, "jom balik, nurse nak bagi makan". I slowly caressed her soft hand, cakap "makcik, saya balik dulu. Saya nak pi kerja, insyaAllah kita jumpa lagi. Makcik makan ye..". Kissed her hand and forehead, I saw tears in her. Ya Allah, keep me strong please! Quickly turned to Makcik Selema, salam, and bid farewell to all.

Leaving Syisya with broken heart. Ya Allah, sihatkan makcik tadi. Throughout the journey to Habibah terpikir. Ya Allah, kurniakanlah rezeki kepadaku dan suami supaya dapat aku dapat bawa mok dan ayoh ke Tanah Suci secepat mungkin. Ayoh tu yang risau sikit. He is slowly recovered from his stroke. Ayoh tak boleh jalan betul-betul. Takut ayoh penat masa Tawaf, Saie, and Melontar nanti. InsyaAllah ayoh kuat. And I will always pray for all my families to be in a pink of health. InsyaAllah.

Right now, Kak Nor, Mariam and Jaz went out shopping. Leaving me and Razak in this office. Time to off now sebab esok nak bangun awal for Tawaf Wida' sebelum ke Medina.
Hope I am not having my period lagi since I want to perform Tawaf and kalau sempat ziarah Rasullullah di Masjidil Nabawi.

To all my friends, appreciate the love that you have surrounding you; yourself, your other half, your kids, your parents, your friends, your relatives, your health, your wealth, your happiness and above all, your Creator.

Love all of you, my dear friends and to my darling husband, I will always love you, more than anything in this whole world.

Feelings eh?

Today I have quite mixed feelings.

Funny, kenapa hari ni rasa semua...started with sympathy with jemaah yang muntah darah, ....then rasa tak comfortable plak with Razak.. yelaahhh.. Razak, u know that I dont really favor manusia tanya beribu kali the same question..."Ina, nak bawak modem ke tak? Nak bawak router jugak ke?" Ikshhh.. bukan ke dah cakap..."Razak, Hospital Aziziah ada problem with modem, saya nak bawak modem, tapi di Syisya I need to config my new router for new Digital lines". Pastu masa nak tunggu kereta, I saw him carrying router only. Padahal kat atas, tanya the same question again and again for many times.... Gosh! really test me eh?
I guess it was my fault kot. Maybe Razak tak tau my plan kot...Memula takmau pegi, but rasa tak sampai hati plak....Finally ikut. Tu yang dia confused tu...
In Syisya, so happy sebab dah boleh up kan router baru, 1050... emmm ingatkan tak reti.. but also thanks for my dear Zainal that never give up to check my keje ok ke idak...tengkiu mister!
Balik, 2 mamats tried to sms me again and again.. iksshhhhh... serabut laaa....sudah la tu. I wanna take a nap. About 30 mins, I woke up, then Zohor, pastu terkebil2, nape takleh tido ni? Kak Nor and Mariam dah selamat dah.....Then, Hj Amran sms me saying that he gave up with this RA yang buat dia tunggu lama kat lobby (typical VIPs, they would take their own sweet time but yet easily get angry if we MACAI made them wait plak...) Then, I jumped from my bed, susun barang2 nak bawak balik. Unload all things from my big bag, then started to do a checklist. Then I finally found out that baju for my adik ipar takde lagi..emm..kena shopping lagi? Ikshhhh....self guilt sebab takut overspend lagi.
Masuk office, byk plak email from Jabatan Haji to THTS, Bilik Gerakan and Pentadbiran but all via me.. hehehehe....Funny...it shows how often I read email, tu yg they rely on my email to get in touch with all of thems.And again, so happy sebab dapat email from my bestest friend whom never give up to update me about my office back home. Thanks Cikmad....So excited, terus reply his email, quite panjang, tell him about myself di sini plak. Oh well, berborak is our fav thing to do in office and i miss that moment with him.
After berbuka puasa, I went up to do my solat, then nampak a phone call from Malaysia and "hello?", "Fie...." "Aiikkkk???? Sayang, I thought you went to Singapore? Memanglah. It is a day-trip. I have changed my mind. "Sayang, I miss you very much...dah tak larat dah ni..Balik lah cepat" Oh my god!! That is so heart-breaking. I was so flattered with him. Speechless. Sayang, I miss you too, God knows. I am counting my days right now. I told him, "sayang, if you can patiently wait for 64 days, kenapa 12 days pun tak boleh nak tunggu?" He said..."Dah tak larat la sayang....I seriously miss you, and I want you by myside" Anak-anak mana sayang? "Semua kat rumah mak, dah tidur dah.." . Kesian...Earlier I made a proposal to Pakman after return from Syisya not to continue the digital testing since Zainal is willingly to take up this job upon his turn 1427H. Then can I go home together with you on 25th? Senyum aje Pakman....He said, atleast buat satu jee...
After Isya plak, I got sms from my so-called secret admirer in Malaysia, saying that he miss me so much. Ni kenapa pulak satu hari ni banyak betul manusia kaum Adam yang rindu nih? Mana yang authentic mana yang hoax? But one thing for sure, I miss my husband terribly.
I was amazed with the article that I have read over the internet. "Difference bewteen Men and Women". If my bestest is around, i bet we both will argue about this article in which I guess it is quite true.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060119/od_nm/science_revenge1_dc
Last week babah called me said that he demanded abang and kakak to sleep at home after zarief slapped zaidan (merah pipi, kata opah) I spoke to abang.."Mama, abang pukul zaidan. Noti noti zaidan, then abang pukul zaidan" I asked him "Kenapa abang pukul zaidan" "Zaidan marah abang, then abang pukulla.. Noti Zaidan" Then he laughed.....emmmm I guess enjoyed looking adik dia kena pukul ehhh?? Heheheh.. kids.. esp boys...Then i told abang "No no pukul Zaidan, Allah will cut your hand" then abang said "Sorry mama, I love you , mama" I told him, "You should kiss and say sorry to Zaidan". Then dengar he said, "sorry zaidan". Cute eh? What I wanted to convey is, cuba refer to the article, womens can easily rasa kesian, while men can enjoy on someone's elso misfortune. Dalam ayat rock kapak, would be, most men is so slamber and insensitive. Sorry sayang, I didnt mean all these to you, love. Not all men laaa....

Done nagging. I guess, I prefer to keep positive in me. Need to off now.

Counting days....

Today, 20 Januari 2006. Gosh, bangun lambat since semlam tido pukul 1.30 pagi. Bangun subuh pun dah pukul 6.20 am pastu zzzzzzzzz.................

Then, suddenly Yop, my cousin who is also in Makkah called me, "Ina urgent ini, ada jemaah muntah darah, banyak! Please call hospital for help." Then tried to call, ALAMAK!! credit phone dah nak abiss....iksshhh!! another test....then, dengan muka sememeh, I change my pyjama, gosok gigi and stepped out, jumpa Dr Rahimah (my big boss is soooooooo into her!!). Things done.

After took shower, and siap, baru teringat.. hari ni puasa laa...and tetiba ada perasaan self guilt. Ingat nak solat subuh kat Masjidil Haram, tak bangun pun. Sedar alarm henpon bunyi, but end up I just text to Jaz (my colleague) yang rasanya tak mampu pegi solat jemaah....So, takkan puasa pun nak cancel.....and here I am, insyaAllah akan cuba berpuasa hari ini...

Getting excited masuk office coz last nite, I wrote a very long email to my darling husband. Well I made a proposal to him to go to Jakarta after we both agreed to renew our honeymoon. Punye la pjg email, last last bukak, all he says is..."sayang, i have read your mail, and save it. Cant be long since I got a trip to Singapore for a meeting and shall be back by Sunday".

Tapi, just to please me ari ni, I have another 12 days to go... gosh.. excited giler nak balik rumah.. I miss all my angels; Nurin, Zarief and Zaidan. I miss the moment, Kakak masuk darjah dua, Abang with his bossy character (Uda and Chik always complaint) and Zaidan got his first baby-tooth and dah pandai crawling. I want to go home.. I seriously want to go home....

I am counting my days now.....

My very first time..

Gosh, it has been a while, I am trying to learn on how to setup this blog. Lucky me, of having a lovely and patient lil sis that can teach me, though she told me that I am a bad student :(

Let me try this first, before she off to her home....Thanks wani....

mamanunu

mamanunu!