I am sorry, love....

Here again, updating my blog. Hari ni ada orang asked me. NUNU tu apa? NUNU means BABY in ARAB. My kids (always be my baby) is my everything. This blog would be my best tribute to all my angels, NURIN, ZARIEF and ZAIDAN

Then, my bestest (my good friend ever aka platonic relationship in my office) asked me, BLOG tu apa? Oh well, previously, I enjoyed reading my high school friends' blogs, in which I personally define it as e-journal. Tapi when I refer to the website, BLOG is a easy-to-use website where you can quickly post your thoughts, photo and interact with people and more. Wani, my adik's high-school girlfriend (harap2 kekal selamanya) finally made me realized the happening part of having my e-journal. Thanks, sis! Plus, I think I want to share my journey to this Holy Land gave me the momentum to write. Gosh, my husband mesti pelik..Nape fie tetiba rajin nak tulis ni? He knows that I love reading, but not writing. Again, this lovely NUNU is my best tribute to all my munchkins plus and best way to share my thoughts everytime I travel.

Last nite, I was lying on my bed, exhausted! Whole day trying to setup my final assignment before leave this Holy Land, I was stucked with NTU (so called digital modem) config. Need to make sure my internal wiring and router config nicely match before this new digital lines up and running for a very first time for Tabung Haji. Watching the ceiling, I have started to think about my other half. I miss you.. so much, and I couldnt close my eyes, afraid that I am losing his sight. Then, I text him..."Sayang, I miss u. Cant sleep rite now. Kept thinking abt u. Hv another 8 days to suffer. Tomorrow to Jeddah to send Pakman and new NTU installation. Pliz send me an email. Luv u endlessly". Sent 24th Jan 01:59:58. I waited and waited for his reply since I knew that time, surely my other half is preparing to office. Bolt from the blue, I got 2 sms on that very night, one at 02:25:15 (2 pagi..ngantuk laa..) and one at 02:45:33. Both not from my husband. I felt something that I couldnt put it into word. Nak kata sedih pun mungkin, self anger pun mungkin..and maybe my period is just around the corner, I can simply put my biological circulation together with my hormones changes as my scape goat! How come other men can express their feelings in the mid of the night while my significant other not even responded my text and I am pretty sure that he is not sleeping at that very moment????!!**&%#@&*^
Woke up at 6.25am, I called him coz I was expecting his reply throughout the night. "Kenapa sayang tak reply my sms?" and he said "bila sms?". Paused. "oh yeah, pagi tadi. I was driving at that time, kenapa sayang?". Aikk. Kenapa????? Gosh, have you ever experienced this???. I said "takmau lah sms lagi, you never care about me!". Hang up.

Merajuk. Of course. You can call me a Mushy Type of wife, but at that very moment, I felt so bad. It has been a while, I never received his phone call and email. Best reason: Sibuk. Then, typical woman, I sms him back kengkonon nak tunjuk marah..., "U seriously have changed my mood. I guess u never put me as your main priority in life. U dont even remember that I've sent sms. Then I try not to hv contact with u til my last day coz I am nobody to u. U jez made me feel useless. I was so stupid since I am so into you while u never once think about me" Sent: 24-Jan-2006 07:05:47. Murky faced.

I have another 10 mins before my trip to Jeddah. Quickly logged into my office mail. I scrolled down and search sender:HAFIZUL. Ada. Clicked. I was so touched. Paused. Without realizing it, I broke into tears. I am so sorry love. Sorry for being so childish. I was too emotional with this unreciprocated sms. I guess we both miss each other terribly. Rushed into car, off to Jeddah with guilt. Regret of putting so much expectation from my husband.

We love each other. So much.....

I got 2 sms from him while in Jeddah. Tried not to reply. But his 3rd sms..."Sayang, I hope u r not mad at me. About to sleep now. In my mind, keep on thinking abt u. How special u r to me. I wish u can come into my dream. Sometimes I talked to myself like a crazy man coz i miss your touch, your voice, everything about you. U sleep tight tonite. Luv u"

I am sorry love....

Replied: "There is nothing in my life more important than u and our angels. Fie mintak maaf. I love you and always do". Sent 24 Jan 2006 21:06:10.

I am in a cloud nine. Like always.

Today, I completed most of my assignment. NTU for Jeddah and Mecca all installed. DataCenter in Syisya also done. Working papers for Cisco done. Bill of Material for datacomm equipment done. Almost done. Called Mr Raz from Saudi Net. Alamak, "maa fi english". Rahman my driver la jadik traslater bidan terjun. Laaa...need to complete Madinah jugak ke before lines activation? Ikshhh...need to go to Madinah soon. Pikir punye pikir, I need to finish ASAP, so that I can be with my darling and munchkins soon. I am leaving to Medina esok, 26th Jan 2005. Done.

Nor, my highschool friend also jemaah this 1426H requested to bring her to Pasar Kurma Mekah. Rahman, dengan setianya brought me there with Razak, Nor and her husband. Beli kurma and pistachio, then I dragged Nor to Syisya, to add new cable and final touch before leaving to Medina tomorrow. Cari Nor, Rahman kata dia jumpa orang kat ward. Then I went to see Nor's roomate, Makcik Selema. Org Muar. Fractured at her pelvic bone. But she looks happy sebab lusa dah nak balik Malaysia. Done chat. I saw one makcik lying. Very skinny and seriously very skinny. Slowly bend down and grabbed her hand. "Makcik dah makan?" I saw her tears. Slowly caressed her boney arm, I talked to her. "Makcik asal mana?" She said "Sungai Petani". But to all my dear blog-reader, if any read this, please pray for her health. I beg you. The best thing to describe her (may be harsh, but I didnt mean to) is like a living skeleton. Imagine, her thigh is half of my arm!!! Her temple is too boney. Her eyes is too big for her teeny face. I was just wondering, macam mana makcik ni boleh flew all the way from Malaysia to Saudi? The best answer to this, her urge and innerwill to perform haj. Gosh! How could her kids can let her do this all by her self. (maybe dia takde anak..). She told me that "makcik terjatuh kat bilik ayarg masa di Mina". MasyaAllah. I guess tu sebab Allah doesnt let me be a doctor. If not, I would be self depressing, kesian tengok patient. Then I said, "alhamdullilah, saya tengok makcik kuat semangat". She smiled. Enough to make me cried in my heart. Ya Allah, berilah kesihatan yang lebih baik kepada makcik ini. Dia cukup kuat untuk harungi semua. I felt her grip stronger, as I rubbed her forehead. To all my friend out there, kalau ada parents or any relatives yang nak perform haj, please please make sure they got their immediate family as companion. Sekurang2nya boleh tolong pimpin masa jalan dari Mina Muaissim ke Jamrat (tempat melontar), boleh pegang masa pegi toilet, and above all, can always be by their side when need to give moral support. Then, ada nurse came in, distribute food for dinner. Razak kata, "jom balik, nurse nak bagi makan". I slowly caressed her soft hand, cakap "makcik, saya balik dulu. Saya nak pi kerja, insyaAllah kita jumpa lagi. Makcik makan ye..". Kissed her hand and forehead, I saw tears in her. Ya Allah, keep me strong please! Quickly turned to Makcik Selema, salam, and bid farewell to all.

Leaving Syisya with broken heart. Ya Allah, sihatkan makcik tadi. Throughout the journey to Habibah terpikir. Ya Allah, kurniakanlah rezeki kepadaku dan suami supaya dapat aku dapat bawa mok dan ayoh ke Tanah Suci secepat mungkin. Ayoh tu yang risau sikit. He is slowly recovered from his stroke. Ayoh tak boleh jalan betul-betul. Takut ayoh penat masa Tawaf, Saie, and Melontar nanti. InsyaAllah ayoh kuat. And I will always pray for all my families to be in a pink of health. InsyaAllah.

Right now, Kak Nor, Mariam and Jaz went out shopping. Leaving me and Razak in this office. Time to off now sebab esok nak bangun awal for Tawaf Wida' sebelum ke Medina.
Hope I am not having my period lagi since I want to perform Tawaf and kalau sempat ziarah Rasullullah di Masjidil Nabawi.

To all my friends, appreciate the love that you have surrounding you; yourself, your other half, your kids, your parents, your friends, your relatives, your health, your wealth, your happiness and above all, your Creator.

Love all of you, my dear friends and to my darling husband, I will always love you, more than anything in this whole world.